Things that have gone into my body

Don’t be a pervert this is about food.

CAUTION: If you have a weak stomach I would not read this, or are a vegetarian not recommended. 

For several years I was an expat, meaning I worked overseas.  During those years I worked a rotational schedule in which I flew in and out of my job.  I opted to use my off time to see the world, or at least some of it. 

Recently, I was talking with someone about food, and it made me ponder all the strange foods I have eaten over the years. I wouldn’t say I am too picky of an eater, but I wouldn’t say I was some food guru either.  I grew up on the poor side of the fence.  Oftentimes, fast food and microwave dinners were things I would eat growing up, they did not taste good to me then or now. No knocks on my family but food was never a big thing for me until adulthood because well it was never really any good. (There were a few good cooks in my life, but we didn’t get it that often)  As I ventured into my travels, I never intended to eat so many bizarre things, but I did tell myself I wanted to immerse, I wanted to learn what being a local felt like as much as I could and due to that my path did lead to some wild food experiences.  I wish I wrote more down when I traveled as my memory fades, but I recall some of the key things.

I’ll start with Iceland, although not the most controversial of things that have went into my body, for me it sticks out.  It was such a wide variety of taste experiences.  In Iceland, there is a bread (hverabrauð) that they bake underground.  It is placed into a pot and cooked in geothermal areas for 24 hours.  The base of the flavor is Rye and being as someone who not only loves bread but more specifically rye bread, this was a huge hit for me.  (Also why is there no good rye bread in the western states???) I had mine with butter and I am not sure if it the bread itself or the butter that knocked it out of the park, but I absolutely would rate this a top tier bread experience.  The reason why I say I am not sure if it was the butter that knocked it out of the park for me, was that I had ice cream in Iceland and I recall it being some of the best I have ever had.  Maybe they just know how to do dairy?  I also ate my first ever and to this day, only, all fish pizza on a white sauce of some type.  It was delicious.  Now it wasn’t all good delights for me in Iceland.  A lot of their food is smoked for preservation purposes, which I understand, but for me it was like chewing cigarettes and for someone who doesn’t even like to be around cigarettes or the smoke, the thought of eating them grosses me out.  We did also try whale one night.  I know, I know… not a great thing to do.  I was served an instant karma for this eating of such a majestic creature.  Not only was the whale we had smoked, which was disgusting, it was mostly raw and blubbery.  I barely ate any of it to be honest, however like I mentioned I paid my karmic price.  The very next day we went on a whale watching tour.  The seas were raging with anger; the boat was not very big.  It was freezing cold.  My friend and I were wearing parkas provided by the boating company since the seas were so rough, at times water was splashing over the entire boat.  Since it was so rocky, many people were throwing up off the back and sides of the boat.  I just had to sit by myself and attempt to not throw up all while freezing in continually covered in full blown water swells. We of course saw 0 whales and spent the whole night after the boat tour laying down trying to recover from the motion sickness which was extreme.  When we left the boat, we were drenched despite arctic water proof parkas.  I do think this was full blown karma for me, as I would not normally eat whale as I don’t agree with it, and when I was in first grade, I made the local newspaper for a save the whale campaign, so yea would I do it again, no.

These are in no particular order, however next comes to mind in a pizza I ate in Australia.  This was a BBQ meat pizza, I remember it as the safari pizza, but I doubt it was any safari animals.  It had kangaroo, emu, and the usual cheese and BBQ sauce.  It was very tasty.  The flavor was tangy BBQ and the meat was not chewy or too tough, it was like perfection of a NY pepperoni.  I would highly recommend.

 In Finland, I ate bear.  It was at a nicer restaurant in Helsinki.  The bear was served with wild berries and potatoes.  The berry meat combination was the win, the bear on its own was not my favorite meat.  I wouldn’t rate this as one of the favorite things I ever ate but it was interesting.  Also in Finland, I did eat at a burger place which seemed very similar to a fast-food McDonalds, seemingly in the middle of absolutely nowhere.  It was also not that great, but I was very hungry, so I was grateful.  I guess it was similar to an American rest stop, but on a 1 lane highway, but with no gas anywhere in site, as if you were traveling through the barest parts of Wyoming and Utah and then bam there is one restaurant on the side of the road, not in a town, with nothing else around just sitting there.  The hamburger experience reminds me of similar experience at the real Golden Arches of Mcdonalds in Germany.  While out on a seven-stein evening at Oktoberfest, McDonalds was consumed.  The menu was different form the American version, but I distinctly recall that I ordered a tasty McBacon (actual name on menu) and found this way more funny than it was due to the absolute alcoholism that had just occurred.  I ate said Tasty McBacon on the street corner surrounded by masses of people who were also all at McDonalds praying they could fend off their pending hangovers as well by eating some garbage.  I sat on the curb of the roadside corner where about 2 feet away, someone had thrown up.  So, yea it was a classy ordeal. I recall nothing of whether the Tasty McBacon tasted good or not, I just recall eating it, so I guess you will only know if you eat one sober. 

Moving along the gross train, in the Philippines I had 2 of what can only be described as the world’s controversial  foods. I’ll start with Durian, often known for its very strong and to somewhat foul odor.  To be honest, I did not think it was a foul odor.  (I will note that some of my career was worked on the Equator at a million degrees humidity, with sweaty people, for 12 hours shifts,  who may or may not have had running water at home- if you think your teenager smells bad, you have no idea)  Anyways, I found Durian to be not as bad smelling as everyone made it out to be.  In addition, the taste lied somewhere in the middle, I could see how people might be turned off by the smell itself as it does have a smell and part of taste is the smell, however also the taste to me was a little sweet but it wasn’t like blow your mind sweet just seemed mild.  I would rate it as a take or leave experience; it didn’t really stand out to me.  More controversial to this is Balut.  Yes, I did it, it was the hardest eating experience of my life.  Balut is a fertilized duck egg, or at least that is what we ate.  So, the features of the duck are developing inside the egg you eat.  I knew going into it would be a tough swallow to put it lightly.  A good friend of mine did this with me in the company of locals I worked with.  For the preparation of eating this I chugged a beer to make sure I had enough liquid courage to actually do it.  My local friends explained the process to us, that first you take a spoon and lightly crack the egg.  At this point you drink the juice out, it tasted a bit like chicken noodle soup honestly.  Then you open the shell and eat the insides.  There were mixed opinions as to swallow or chew.  I did not think I would be able to take the whole egg down in one go so I ate a tiny bit.  Once I bit into something that told me it was a leg or an arm, I started to half choke/half laugh before being able to swallow it.  Meanwhile this fit of choking/laughing was all recorded on camera.  My friend did better than I did, she was a champ, I however had such a hard time actually getting the whole egg down.  Needless to say, a lot of this was all mental, and it is a regular culture for them so this was a spectacle for them to watch us struggle so hard to eat something which is basically just protein.  I would imagine they might feel the same about hunters in the US who butcher and eat the organs of the game they kill.

Moving along into game, we do live in Nevada, and my partner does hunt.  I have eaten deer, big horn sheep, and antelope.  Of the 3 I have had so far, the antelope was the best.  Deer are special to me, so it never really tastes that good anywhere I have had it.  Most people overcook their meat terribly so it is just chewy as can be and I can’t say that I often enjoy it when anyone other then my partner cooks it. 

India is a world of food flavor explosion I cannot even begin to explain.  All I can say, is if ever given the chance to go to India for food alone, do it.  But also, be prepared, some of it is spicy.  What I will say about India will be brief given I did really love almost every single thing I ate there.  I had chai tea once in the middle of India, which does mostly look like the Genie’s cave location in the movie Alladin (with some trees but very, very, few).  Deep in the middle of India, my driver stopped on the side of the road to get a tea.  There was no village for a few miles, just a guy and a cow.  The cow was hooked up to a circular contraption which I believe pulled up water from a well.  Out of the well, the water was boiled over a fire and chai tea was made on the side of said desert road.  I have no idea how clean any of this was and India is a place where most people would tell you not to drink the water, I did… but it was boiled?!  I was never ever a chai tea fan, I don’t like coffee or tea, however I drank that chai tea in a million degrees and it was damn hot outside, like really hot- me as a non-sweaty person was sweating.  Despite drinking hot tea in Alladin’s desert, I absolutely love love loved the tea.  After this experience I started trying chai teas only to realize 3 years or so later to just give up as they are never that good.  These days I will get a sugar chai as I call it, which only tastes good due to sugar overload, and that’s not even remotely like the chai I had from a cow in the middle of India.  I also ate jackfruit from my friend’s backyard literally growing off a tree, and Oooo La La, so freaking good! 

Speaking of good, many of my friends know I am a lover of French cuisine.  Again, another whole book on French food could be made.  But first thing first, you must eat croissants in France, it’s like sacrilegious not to.  Macaroons, I could take or leave honestly.  And cheese, oh the cheese… However, what I will focus on it Raclette.  Once visiting my friend, she made me raclette and the melt in your mouth flavor sensation of whatever she did will forever be engrained.  It was one of the best things I have ever had.  I literally ate until I felt absolutely ill because I could not stop. 

Just changing pace completely, I will jump to Japan.  Japan has a lot of food which is just not my favorite, I am not a big Ramen person, and I do not like mayo so already some of the items just don’t make me happy. Not to say they are not good but just not for me.  What is good in Japan, like literally the best is the sushi.  It is like melt in your mouth, absolutely so tasty, and fresh and good it needs nothing else.  Just raw, sliced fish that is the perfect texture and flavor.  However, what they do eat there and I did try was raw chicken and raw horse.  I won’t say I choked it down per say as I knew it had to be safe as a whole country does this on a regular basis, however as an American you get cult thinking embedded into you at a young age.  This includes raw chicken possibly making you deathly ill and if you don’t fully cook it to the right temperature you could get salmonella, and on and on.  So, it was a tough time to eat raw chicken after years of indoctrination of how scary this should be.  However, I like to try all cultures, and I do think declining is offensive to some people, so I ate it.  And although my brain didn’t allow me to enjoy it, I was fine, I lived to see another day. 

Lastly for this food tour, Brazil.  Brazil also a treasure trove of bizarre eats.  Highlights in Brazil include partying on the beach and food vendors walking around selling you hot cheese on a stick.  Now again, you would think this would be a massive turn off as it is hot out, but as a cheese person, possibly someone who might die without cheese, this is literally amazing.  The cheese stick is slightly hardened on the outside, but not crunchy which gives the flavor some depth, and the inside soft, but not as soft as a marshmallow, firm but soft.  10 out of 10 for me on this.  A couple other random food adventures, while in the Amazon I did fish for piranhas.  Our boat guide brought them back for us and our fish we caught on the boat was cooked for us to eat.  Piranhas was a tasty fish dish.  Last and certainly not least Acai.  I have forever tried to find acai as good as the ones I had in Brazil only to be disappointed every single time.  Now, some acai bowls in Brazil are served with shrimp in them with skin and head on and they do it the whole thing.  This is not my cup of tea.  However, acai itself, just the deep purple smoothie texture bowl is probably the most favorite fruit I have ever had in my life.  Sheer and absolute perfection.  Your mouth and teeth will indeed, turn dark purple for a while.  It is glorious. 

Most of the things I tried are just normal culture for the locations I was at.  To my culture, it might seem weird but for locals it is just normal every day food. It is just weird to us because we didn’t grow up that way.  There are so many other experiences I could probably write a whole book about it, like eating Escargot (snails) in France, pierogis in the Czech Republic, tapas in Spain (which can only be gestured with the hands by a chef’s kiss). There are so many amazing experiences to be had across the world or even in your own country.  You just have to take some chances sometimes and you might be very pleasantly surprised.